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   Please explain a Hadees
Tuesday, November 27, 2012 09:46 PM 
Reply: >
I had sent some money to my father in Pakistan and he has spent this money...He dont tell me where???

When i asked for my money he says i m NAFARMAN and he tell me this Hadees!!!!!

PROPHET(PBUH) NE FARMAEAA

"That me and my wealth is my father's" and i cant even say anything to him or even ask where and why the money is spend...

I feel so depress and humiliating....but if this is what hadees is and this is what its meaning then i m happy to accept it....

I just want to clear myself that upto what extanct i can go and ask any money given to father as Amanat...belongs to father????
col zaid replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 02:31 AM 

hi bro. hope to find u in good health, come on man u r worrying about the materail???????
u know the fact that nothing is yours, parents are a great blessing , Allah will grant u more and more once u will be humble to them , and yes off course this is a hadees by our Nabi Pak (PBUH), rest u can colsult with some aalim , but m wondering y r u feeling humiliated? come on cheer up , love the relations.
ahmed replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:07 AM 

Yes this is hadith, but If you have some plan of your own for investment and would like to invest inthat plan, then balance both your parents and your own dreams, and specially if you are having kids, build something for your kids also , be balanced.and never disrespect parents, if your dont like some of their things dont tell them, just avoid but pleasently. and with the same love they gave you when your were nothing.(even washing and cleaning you, when your could not)
Abdulrahman shah -Riyadh replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:51 AM 

This is the hadith exactly, brother keep your parents happy and Allah will give you many many time more. Inshallah you will get the reward in this life and hereafter, Jazakallah
Shahid replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:51 AM 

how much was the amount and after how long did you save this amount?
confused replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:55 AM 

i would like to add a few words,are there only rights of parents in islam,if parents abuse and use their children and do not support them if they are in trouble though they are strong and can support if not finanacially at least morally,discriminate between boys and girls,please guide me i am confused i still respect my parents inspite of all this try not to argue with them,but i am heart broken,do visit them but not as often as i would like to
Habib replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:56 AM 

It is nothing to do with Islam or Interpretation of hadith, It reflects your personal realtions with father or it is result of some argumenta and bad management of your welath.
My advice is just focus on the needs and libilties of your parents and wife etc , send them money which is good enough for their needs. Send them monthly at a fixed date, show genrosity in between occasinally and send more money at time of need like sickness etc. Looking at bad expeience of many overseas people I am following this policy for many years and my parents, brothers and other needy relatives are all very happy with me.
You spoil your relations when you send money ruthlessly to your wife, your sons or parents and later want to control.
UAE 2 replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 04:39 AM 

If you are based in the UAE, ( and for any other brothers based here ) I'd suggest that you call 800 2422 . This is a toll free number of the Auqaf Board. Mufti Hazraat are available from 8 am to 8 pm, five days a week to answer questions related to deen. It is a free service provided by the UAE Government and is very beneficial to all Muslims residing here. You can choose to talk to a mufti who speaks either Arabic, English or Urdu.

Remember whenever you need guidance on a religious matter, it is always best to consult the experts.
Adnan replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 04:54 AM 

My dear friend, the Quran says "do good to your parents as they did to you when you were dependent on them". There is a certain amount of ambiguity in various hadith books as they were written 100s of years after the death of the Prophet PBUH, but there is no doubt in the Quran. However, the Quran does not mean everything in litteral sense. You have to be kind to your parents but they too have to be reasonable. If you sent your money to your father on the pretext that it was a loan, and your father understood that it was a loan, then he should pay it back or at least give you the right to know how it was spent. However, if you only sent him the money to spend and now want it back, then I personally have a bit of a problem with it. Being Nafarman has nothing to do with money, it is the values that make your farmaan or nafarmaan. So dont be unreasonable and also dont kill yourself, I am sure you are a good son. We all are good sons of our fathers in the end, this is the way Pakistanis and Muslims are brought up.
Jedddah replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 05:06 AM 

I feel so depress and humiliating....but if this is what hadees is and this is what its meaning then i m happy to accept it....

Love to read this
Wi replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 06:06 AM 

Quite often children spend their parent's life time saving so unwisely, rarely parent did so.

One related point that old parent comes under the Kafalat of son.
Salman replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 06:30 AM 

dude
he spent his savings on you when he could have spent that in bahamas

he gave best years of his life and health to raise you
whatever you are doing now is not EHSAN on him
Arif replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 07:25 AM 

Forget your old money you gave to your father. Just love your father. Give him more money on monthly basis may be he is badly in need of it in his livings and never ask him where did he spent this money.
Saudi Arabia replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 07:45 AM 

Brothers this is very common situation for those who are living especially in the Middle East because they caanot buy property there and eventually sent their savings back home. Most of us living in the Gulf are from average or poor families who are with full of love, devotion and determination towards their families back home. The money which is with you is yours, otherwise any receivable amount is promiss and/or family relationship.
The best advices are given by Mr. Habib and Mr. Adnan above.
uae replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 08:19 AM 

boss, i have one simple rule in this regard, i apply it to both my mother and my wife, the money which i give them for their personal use, i never ask them where they have spend it. i even say that even if you put that money in front of me and set it to fire i will not ask you why you have done this, because now it is your money.
A R Khan replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 09:24 AM 

Ghar ghar ki kahani and then there is a hadith for any purpose and any end to shut up the aggrieved party.
Hussain Kaisrani replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 09:50 AM 

The person has clearly mentioned that he gave this amount to his father as AMANAT. And this Hadees does not apply on Amanat though no one is properly quoting Hadees's reference.
Hadees should be considered after checking its context.

@ Adnan! thanks for provoking our thoughts. Quran has not said any where that we need to obey them. Only Husne Salook with them is the requirement.
ad replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:27 AM 

Consult Quran. Hadees is not farz.
Bayan replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:29 AM 

There is a Hadees that have heard something like this:

"You, your offsprings and your property, all belongs to your father"

I doubt you declared it as Amanat while giving it to him. In any case it all belongs to him whether amanat or not.
JUJ replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:32 AM 

I read that hadees also - Kaisrani sahib I can look for reference. The thing about amanat does not apply to your father. I took money from my father when I was young with a promise I would return - but never did, he never asked for it and I think religion also allows me to do that. He worked extra hours after his regular job so that he could buy milk for me, he tells me I always always hungary for milk when I was young. Now I give him money monthly, and he is so happy.. He is 80+ and may he lives long, insha - allah becuase his prays are so precious and priceless. Please explain it to your wife also as she could be the last one to understand.
Please explain a Hadees replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:48 AM 

@Shahid SB

1st time amount was 8 lac rs
2nd time amt was around 5 lacs
3rd time moore or less 5 lacs
and every month something from my Pakistani rental income

@ Habib Sb

I do send them monthly income of Rs 20,000/month plus 10,000/,month for car petrol and around 5,000rs/month for mobile phone expense.
I send them extra money whenever there is any Eid ... marriage or any other event.

Thanks UAE2

@Adnan Sb

I have made a madrassa in the name of my mother and father at my local town. I pay all the expenses of this madrasa which is run by staff of around ten people. The money i m paying towards madrasa varies every month but all paid by me by the grace of Allah(SWT).

The money i m talking here comes from my foreign remittance and my rental income in Pakistan.

@thanks Jeddah

@Wi

I understand completely Kafalat concept...but problem arises when father want to see his other children same(when parents try to make all five fingers equal). What would you make out of standard of Kafalat???
If he simply says that i m not happy because other brother and sister are not as good as you...then upto which level one can kafalt.

@Sulman

Not for a mili second i think i m doing any ehsan at my parents by doing anything...i think i m blessed to offer my money and khidmat to my parents while i m and they are stil alive.

But who u can trust???
not even father because he would be in more love of his other children who lives near him or dont want to go out and do hard work or even education.

@ Arif Sb @ uae

i never asked where he spent his money. But you tell me one thing...if Hajj is farz on parents because they have good nasab/property...then what should they do? should they wait for their son to pay for it or they should perform their Hajj from their very own money..? They pay their own money to their other children for the sake of making more and more property. If Hajj is Farz then it should be done by ones own hard earned halal money and even son pay for parents Hajj i don't think it will be a farz Hajj. it would only be a Nafli Hajj according to my understanding.

I can see a clear problem at my fathers end....he is trying to bring other brother and sisters standard as mine...Allah(SWT) has his mercy on me and has given me a very successful business which has resulted in creation of good property portfolio in Pakistan. I always say to my father that show other children same path as they have showed me....which is working hard and be honest with your deeds but now flash of money has ruined every values in mind.

Thanks for all brothers input..i will inshahAllah try to keep doing my best to make them happy and May Allah(SWT)show me and other right path.Ameen
ABC replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 12:00 PM 

Dear Brother, I can understand that you are upset since Mashallah you are already doing the necessary for your parents and others. It is a difficult time for you but if you can exercise 'Sabr', inshallah all this money will be considered Sadqa from you and you wil be rewarded manifold from other sources. It will never be a waste as Allah doesnt keep any 'Qarz' onto Himself. He will return it to you many times more. Just be patience and pass through this difficulty without causing any hurt to your parents and siblings.
Ahmed replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 03:50 PM 

Deat sir, now we fully understand your situation. I am more or less in the same situation and i have personal solution which i am sharing with you.
- No need to tell every thing (financial matters) to your family even father / wife
- After what you are already doing for them, whenever you want to make some investment no need to involve them. keep in your account separately and execute transaction when ever you go to paksitan
- Last but not the least, believe me in pakistan many people work hard but dont get what we get out of country. Its not a bad idea of your father if he helps your brothers and sisters. Some time send some noey to your father and tell him you give to your other children who ever is in need
- This is much better solution then having bad thoughts about father he is helpless he just want something for his other children who are not as blessed as you are. Pls dont be angry with him
- forget about hadees talk to your heart, what will you do when you have the same situation with your children?
My Experience replied on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 04:33 PM 

I have faced similar kind of situation in past.In my case I helped my brother set up business on my mother's advise.I gave 2.5 million rupees as loan to him beside I was sending more money at different occasions.After 5 years I was told by my brother that the business went in loss but in reality he lived on my money for years and bought plots.I have learned from my experience that never give money even to your family members for business,investment or loan or as Amanat.Help them as much as you can afford and forget about it.Kafalat of parents is Faraz when they are old and I agree what Ahmed has said in his reply.
Omer replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 05:26 AM 

Just for 18 Lacs you bring your parents on the road and saying you are running Madrassa. A person is not ready to give his parents or brothers any money, how come he is running Madrassa. I think so you are using that Madrassa for .....Shame on you. Place a money box in your Madrassa and ask all of us to put our Zakat and Sadqa for you. You can't buy Toyota car on that amount and you are saying you have high profile status. Give me your bank account I will put my zakat in your account.
uae replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 07:43 AM 

@omer
so much anger will ruin your health.
cool down, everyone has his own life and understanding.
@please explain a hadees
sir, i agree with your ponint of view as you have given in your reply.
PK ZINDA BAAD replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 08:15 AM 

PAKISTAN ZINDA BAAD, 100% POSITIVE COMMENTS, IT IS VERY GOOD SIGN FOR OUR US - JAZA KA ALLAH KHAIR
UAE 2 replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 09:44 AM 

@Omer

Your outburst is totally uncalled for! Here we have a brother whom is trying his level best to cope with a difficult situation and has very candidly asked for advice from other brothers in Islam. And you are reprimanding him like he is a criminal! We are all humans at the end of the day and all these trials and tribulations are from Allah. This is the time to help the gentleman increase his imaan, not criticise and condemn him!
Worse still, how can you negate even his goods deeds? Sorry to say so, But It is YOU whom should be ashamed, Big time! Bet you are Mr Perfect himself... sinless? Senseless would suit you more.
Khan replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 11:30 AM 

The matter is neither religious nor legal. It is purely an issue of sentiments. You can not get back the money given by confrontation. If a relative particularly close one has decided for whatever reason(right or wrong)not to return the money that is the end. Now it is up to you to make the decision: Do you want to live in a broken/spoiled relationship or get over it and return to not so negative relationship. These are the difficulties which arise when in the first instance you and the other party is not VERY clear as to the exact nature of the money. You assume something else and the other believes some thing else. That is why you should put it in writing or make it clear in front of more than one ember of the family.
Last word should be to restore the relationship the best you can. Some times even if you are right you can not enforce it. Forgive and forget is the best reward.
Khan replied on Thursday, November 29, 2012 06:33 PM 

In all honesty you are a great man and son, meeting your father's wishes. You sure will be blessed here and here after. There is no doubt about it. You may now open a separate joint account with your wife and may be kids(if they are grown up) and put your savings direct in that without telling/sharing with any one. I can feel the sigh and feeling of sadness in your heart. This is because you are true muslim and feel sad when others even if they are your kith and kin, are not willing to carry their responsibility. Cheer up and Allah will bless you.
responsibility replied on Friday, November 30, 2012 03:18 AM 

do whatever u can for you parents and siblings but not at the cost of your children.children are your first resposibility cos u brought them in this world.
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